Jia will follow up to draw the new story board.
Scripts draft 3:
Brackets = camera shot/action notes.
** = sound notes
(Opens like horror)
(Open on low angle shot of the middle of a
street)
(Angled shot of wooden gate, hand reaches
out and opens it with a creak)
(Slow motion close-up shot of the feet and
briefcase - from behind - walking up the path)
(Close-up shot of the salesmans forehead -
the salesman wipes sweat from his forehead)
(His hand slowly reaches for the doorbell)
*ding* *dong*
(Door slowly opens - cautious head peeks
around the corner)
(Shot from inside the door looking out -
Slowly revealing the salesman)
(Extreme close-up of the salesmans face -
with massive/creepy smile)
(Shot from behind woman)
“Hello Im…”
(Woman screams and slams door)
“AAH!”
*slam!*
(Face shot of salesman - Wind wooshes the
hair of the salesman who blinks)
(Same shot)
*muffled voice heard through the door * “Reginald
there’s a creep at the door”
“Again!? I’ll get the gun”
(Salesman realizes, turns away and leaves
quickly)
(The salesman turns and walks back down the
path, onto the street and turns right)
(He gets a call and answers it listens then
…)
(… As he walks past a park he slips, but recovers,
and as he is about to continue walking, a soccer ball smashes him in the side
of the face and knocks him sideways)
(The salesman gets up looks at the kid and
kicks the ball away with full force)
(The salesman walks on to the next house)
“Hi I was wondering if you had a few
moments to listen to a short story of mine?”
“Uh, nope.” *SLAM!* (door shut)
(The salesman clears his throat and leaves)
(Cut to him sitting a park bench eating
cake)
(sit up straight as if he has an idea -
quickly leaves, then comes back to get his lunch and briefcase)
(New Scene)
(The salesman is walking quickly down the
street)
(The salesman walks towards the camera - As
he enters a gate the camera pans sideways with him - he reaches the front door
and rings the doorbell)
*ding* *dong*
(Camera cuts to show the front door)
(And older man opens the door)
“Hello”
(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - behind
the customer)
“Good afternoon to you. I was wondering if
I could tell you a short story”
(The camera cuts to behind the salesman
looking at the customer)
*Older man pauses - shrugs* “Yea alright”
(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - camera
is behind the customer looking at the salesman)
“There once was a salesman,
who had really smooth skin.
He had a mismatching tie,
and was frankly, a nice guy.
A call from his boss one day,
yelled "with no sales there's no
pay."
the call was swiftly ended,
and with much energy expended,
he kicked the kids ball away.
And though smiling and eyeing and trying
his best,
everyone treated him like he was a pest.
Each pitch closed with the slam of door
And though annoyed, he never swore.
so during his lunch break
which included a piece of cake
he thought of a new way to sell
he thought of a story to tell
So here this salesman is right now
battered and bruised and hoping to wow.
We have a service thats so devine
Im here to sell you our phoneline.
so what do you say?”
(Cut to shot over the salesman’s shoulder
looking at the customer)
“*Pause*
Im not a fan of what you sell
but from your story i can tell
to your boss you're inessential
in kids books you have potential (hands him
a business card)
*Pause*
(Nods) Have a think about it.”
*sigh*
“(looks up from card) Yea, ok thanks, I
will.” (The salesman puts it in his shirt pocket - he then turns and walks away
- door closes and wipes the screen to black)
(Fade in on the salesman walking into the
book store to the best sellers section - picks up a book - chuckles puts it
back down and the camera zooms into see the book. - we see its his book)
(Fade out to black)
TITLE OF FILM
END CREDITS
Scripts draft 2:
** = sound notes
(Opens like horror)
(Open on low angle shot of the middle of a
street)
(Angled shot of wooden gate, hand reaches
out and opens it with a creak)
(Slow motion close-up shot of the feet and
briefcase - from behind - walking up the path)
(A hand slowly reaches for the doorbell)
*ding* *dong*
(Angled top left shot of door - Door slowly
opens - cautious head peeks around the corner)
(Shot from inside the door looking out -
Slowly revealing the salesman who has a MASSIVE beaming smile and doesn’t break
eye contact with the customer)
“Hello Im…”
(Same shot - Woman screams and slams door)
*slam!*
(Close up shot of the salesman s face)
(Wind wooshes the hair of the salesman who
blinks)
*muffled* “AAH!” *heard through the door*
(The salesman speaks)
“Than… Thank you for … Aagh” *the salesman
waves off the ‘no-sale’ and doesn’t bother completing the sentence*
(The salesman turns and walks back down the
path, onto the street and turns right)
(Following front full body shot of salesman
walking down street - he gets out his phone - keys in a number or speed dials -
holds phone to his ear - and waits)
*Feeling dismayed * “Hello, it’s me again.” *Pause* “N-No I
didn’t get the sale… She was just another door-slammer... Yea, I’m off to lunch
now. How’s your morning been?” *Nod* *Pause* “What? The bank said no? Oh… we
need that money though! *pause* I’m trying my best, it’s just not working. I
smile at them. I make eye contact. *sigh* No one lets me speak; they just slam
the door on me, or pretend they don’t know English!”
(Camera shot doesn’t change - he slips on a
banana peel - recovers without falling - about to continue walking - then, as
he walks past a field, a soccer ball *Whacks!* from the left side of screen and
knocks him over - his phone falls out of his hand and skids)
(Low angle camera shot - ground level -
showing from the salesman’s face to about his knees - slowly zooming out - the
salesman is lying sideways on the ground where he fell - the soccer ball is in
the gutter)
(Same shot - young child comes to get the
ball and runs away - the salesman looks at the boy when he collects the ball -
when the kid leaves the screen the salesman looks at the camera and sighs
deeply)
(Camera shot - On ground level focused on
phone (which is still in the call) - blurred salesman in the background - he gets
up and picks up the phone from the ground)
(Camera shot - Side shot - camera is moving
with the salesman as he walks)
“Hello, Hello. *pause* Yes I’m still here. *pause*
Nah it was that stupid kid again. *pause* Yes, I’m all right. You know he has never
once said sorry to me. *pause* Yes. Yep.
Ok. Well tell the kids I say hi. Bye for now. Bye.”
(Same shot - Hang up - then walk off frame)
(New scene)
(Establishing shot of him sitting at table outside
with packed lunch)
(Phone vibrates on table - he answers it)
“Hello”
(He is shocked and holds the phone away
from his ear)
*we hear muffled* “If you don’t make a
single sale by the end of the day don’t come back to work tomorrow” *Beep*
*Beep* *Beep* (he hung up)
(The salesman slowly puts the phone back on
the table - dismayed because he is sure to lose his job)
(New Scene)
(Walking through town towards the camera -
sees something on right of screen - stops to read it - camera moves round his
head - the salesman turns his head as if thinking - he walks off screen to
reveal a poster which reads “everyone loves a good story”)
(Camera cut to street scene)
(The salesman walks towards the camera - As
he enters a gate the camera pans sideways with him - he reaches the front door
and rings the doorbell)
*ding* *dong*
(Camera cuts to show the front door)
(And older man opens the door)
“Hello”
(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - behind
the customer)
“Good afternoon to you. I was wondering if
I could tell you a short story”
(The camera cuts to behind the salesman
looking at the customer)
*Older man pauses - shrugs* “Yea alright”
(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - camera
is behind the customer looking at the salesman)
“Imagine a world rife with strife,
and in that world lives man and wife.
They live each day as it comes,
each day fearing, the marching drums.
Then one day while minding cattle,
he was taken right into battle.
Swept away without farewell,
off to answer his own death knell.
Now imagine five years have elapsed,
all thoughts of hatred have collapsed.
The Second World War has been won.
This was all thanks to the Bren gun.
And what do you know, the Husband survived,
though from home contact, he was deprived.
He'd nothing to do but wander and roam,
Then he saw a shop selling telephones.
So into the store he did wander,
he saw the great deals and did ponder.
he then obtained a foneyphone contract,
and rejoiced when with his wife made
contact!
Now I've brought these deals straight to
you,
imagine the joy you could feel too.”
(Cut to shot over the salesman’s shoulder
looking at the customer)
“*Sigh* Look I’m sorry mate. I don’t need a
new phone line. I tell you what though, I reckon you’re in the wrong business. Take
this (hands him a business card) *Pause* (Nods) Have a think about it.”
(Camera cuts to inside the customer’s
doorway - looking over customers shoulder)
*sigh*
“Yeh, thanks.” (The salesman puts it in his
shirt pocket - he then turns and walks away - door closes and wipes the screen
to black)
(Fade in from black- camera shot of
salesman sitting glumly on park bench - untidy and shirt is untucked - tie
flapping in wind - salesman is twiddling his thumbs - camera slowly zooming and
panning right)
(Salesman pulls the business card out of
shirt pocket and rubs with it his thumbs ‘thinkingly’)
(Fade out to black)
(Fade in on the salesman reading a book to children
who are seated around him - camera zooms out to reveal a poster which says
“author book reading here today” - shows it is the salesman’s book.)
(Fade out to black)
TITLE OF FILM
END CREDITS
Poem voice record from James:
Poem voice record from James:
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