Week 8 - Final story board from Jia

Week 8 - Final script from James

Brackets = camera shot/action notes.

** = sound notes

(Opens like horror)

(Open on low angle shot of the middle of a street)

(Angled shot of wooden gate, hand reaches out and opens it with a creak)

(Slow motion close-up shot of the feet and briefcase - from behind - walking up the path)

(Close-up shot of the salesmans forehead - the salesman wipes sweat from his forehead)

(His hand slowly reaches for the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Door slowly opens - cautious head peeks around the corner)

(Shot from inside the door looking out - Slowly revealing the salesman)

(Extreme close-up of the salesmans face - with massive/creepy smile)

(Shot from behind woman)

“Hello Im…”

(Woman screams and slams door)

“AAH!”

*slam!*

(Face shot of salesman - Wind wooshes the hair of the salesman who blinks)

(Same shot)

*muffled voice heard through the door * “Reginald there’s a creep at the door”

“Again!? I’ll get the cricket bat.”

(Salesman realizes, turns away and leaves quickly)

(The salesman turns and walks back down the path, onto the street and turns right)

(He gets a call and answers it listens then …)

(… As he walks past a park he slips, but recovers, and as he is about to continue walking, a soccer ball smashes him in the side of the face and knocks him sideways)

(The salesman gets up, looks at the kid, and kicks the soccer ball away with full force - walks away down the street)

(He is now walking through town with a cup of coffee when he walks past a poster for “book week” where is says “Everybody loves a good story”)

(He turns his head to the side and thinks then walks off frame)

(He is now at someone’s house)

“Hi I was wondering if you had a few moments to listen to a short story?”

*pause* “Uh, nope.” *SLAM!* (door shut)

(The salesman clears his throat and leaves)

(The salesman walks down the street to the next house)

(The salesman walks towards the camera - As he enters a gate the camera pans sideways with him - he reaches the front door and rings the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Camera cuts to show the front door)

(And older man opens the door)

“Hello”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - behind the customer)

“Good afternoon to you. I was wondering if I could tell you a short story”

(The camera cuts to behind the salesman looking at the customer)

*Older man pauses - shrugs* “Yea alright”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - camera is behind the customer looking at the salesman)

“There once was a salesman,

who had really smooth skin. 

He had a mismatching tie,

and was frankly, a nice guy. 

A call from his boss one day,

yelled "with no sales there's no pay." 

the call was swiftly ended,

and with much energy expended, 

he kicked the kids ball away. 

And though smiling and eyeing and trying his best, 

everyone treated him like he was a pest. 

Each pitch closed with the slam of door

And though annoyed, he never swore.

So during his lunch break

which was coffee and cake 

he thought of a new way to sell

he thought up a story to tell  

So here this salesman is right now

battered and bruised and hoping to wow.

We have a service thats so devine

Im here to sell you a new phoneline.” 

(Salesman opens arms and bounces his eyebrows)

(Cut to shot over the salesman’s shoulder looking at the customer)

“*Pause*

I’m not a fan of what you sell,

but from your story i can tell,

led to me you were by fate,

in kids books you could be great. (hands him a business card)

*Pause*

(Nods) Have a think about it.”

*sigh*

“(looks up from card) Yea, ok thanks, I will.” (The salesman puts it in his shirt pocket - he then turns and walks away - door closes and wipes the screen to black)

(Fade in on the salesman walking into the book store to the best sellers section - picks up a book - chuckles puts it back down and the camera zooms into see the book. - we see its his book)

(Fade out to black)

TITLE OF FILM

END CREDITS

Week 8 - Character research

The main character in the film is the salesman, he will be a mix of writer and salesman look.

Writer:

hair mess / school feel shirt / a pen

Salesman: Tidy hair, clear color shirt, nice tie.

Week8-Note for Script V3 from team member

Orange is Jia's note for the script v3, James may do some tweak tonight:

Brackets = camera shot/action notes.

** = sound notes

(Opens like horror)

(Open on low angle shot of the middle of a street)

(Angled shot of wooden gate, hand reaches out and opens it with a creak)

(Slow motion close-up shot of the feet and briefcase - from behind - walking up the path)

(Close-up shot of the salesmans forehead - the salesman wipes sweat from his forehead)

(His hand slowly reaches for the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Door slowly opens - cautious head peeks around the corner)

(Shot from inside the door looking out - Slowly revealing the salesman)

(Extreme close-up of the salesmans face - with massive/creepy smile)

(Shot from behind woman)

“Hello Im…”

(Woman screams and slams door)

“AAH!”

*slam!*

(Face shot of salesman - Wind wooshes the hair of the salesman who blinks)

(Same shot)

*muffled voice heard through the door * “Reginald there’s a creep at the door”

“Again!? I’ll get the gun” // The guy is too American, I think the gun is not a normal thing that people will hold in New Zealand, special in Wellington city. For example, Italy people will get a cooking Utensil.

(Salesman realizes, turns away and leaves quickly)

(The salesman turns and walks back down the path, onto the street and turns right)

(He gets a call and answers it listens then …)

(… As he walks past a park he slips, but recovers, and as he is about to continue walking, a soccer ball smashes him in the side of the face and knocks him sideways)

(The salesman gets up looks at the kid and kicks the ball away with full force)

(The salesman walks on to the next house)

“Hi I was wondering if you had a few moments to listen to a short story of mine?” // maybe remove “of mine”, Could we move this part after cake eating?

“Uh, nope.” *SLAM!* (door shut)

(The salesman clears his throat and leaves)

(Cut to him sitting a park bench eating cake) // I prefer he look at the poster about “Every one can tell a story”.  Instead of cake, how about have a cup of coffee instead?

(sit up straight as if he has an idea - quickly leaves, then comes back to get his lunch and briefcase)

(New Scene)

(The salesman is walking quickly down the street)

(The salesman walks towards the camera - As he enters a gate the camera pans sideways with him - he reaches the front door and rings the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Camera cuts to show the front door)

(And older man opens the door)

“Hello”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - behind the customer)

“Good afternoon to you. I was wondering if I could tell you a short story”

(The camera cuts to behind the salesman looking at the customer)

*Older man pauses - shrugs* “Yea alright”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - camera is behind the customer looking at the salesman)

(We will need to film few people with different expression of refuse the sale man, use them to cut away when the sale man is telling the poem, them finally is the publisher. Right?)

“There once was a salesman,

who had really smooth skin.  // (Person1 form house gaze the sale man, doubt)

He had a mismatching tie,

and was frankly, a nice guy. // (Person2 form house2, refuse)

A call from his boss one day,

yelled "with no sales there's no pay." // (Person3 form house3, maybe a lady, feel worry but refuse)

the call was swiftly ended,

and with much energy expended, // (Person4 form house4, refuse)

he kicked the kids ball away. // (Person5 form house5, refuse)

And though smiling and eyeing and trying his best, // (Person6 form house6, refuse)

everyone treated him like he was a pest. // (Person7 form house7, refuse)

Each pitch closed with the slam of door// (Person8 form house8, maybe slam door heavily, refuse)

And though annoyed, he never swore.

so during his lunch break

which included a piece of cake  // (Person9 form house9, maybe eating a cake as wel, refuse)

he thought of a new way to sell

he thought of a story to tell  // (Person10 form house10, refuse)

So here this salesman is right now // (Person11 form house11, refuse)

battered and bruised and hoping to wow. // (Person12 form house12, refuse)

We have a service thats so devine

Im here to sell you our phoneline. // (Person13 form house13, some silence, but door still open)

so what do you say?” // Maybe instead of speech out, we close to sale man face, he seems waiting for feedback..

(Cut to shot over the salesman’s shoulder looking at the customer)

“*Pause*

Im not a fan of what you sell

but from your story i can tell

to your boss you're inessential  //Mmmm, no sure we need this sentence

in kids books you have potential (hands him a business card)

*Pause*

(Nods) Have a think about it.”

*sigh*

“(looks up from card) Yea, ok thanks, I will.” (The salesman puts it in his shirt pocket - he then turns and walks away - door closes and wipes the screen to black)

(Fade in on the salesman walking into the book store to the best sellers section - picks up a book - chuckles puts it back down and the camera zooms into see the book. - we see its his book)

(Fade out to black)

TITLE OF FILM

END CREDITS

Week7~8: Scripts update.

James have been update the Scripts since week 7, now we have Version 3.
Jia will follow up to draw the new story board.

Scripts draft 3:

Brackets = camera shot/action notes.

** = sound notes

(Opens like horror)

(Open on low angle shot of the middle of a street)

(Angled shot of wooden gate, hand reaches out and opens it with a creak)

(Slow motion close-up shot of the feet and briefcase - from behind - walking up the path)

(Close-up shot of the salesmans forehead - the salesman wipes sweat from his forehead)

(His hand slowly reaches for the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Door slowly opens - cautious head peeks around the corner)

(Shot from inside the door looking out - Slowly revealing the salesman)

(Extreme close-up of the salesmans face - with massive/creepy smile)

(Shot from behind woman)

“Hello Im…”

(Woman screams and slams door)

“AAH!”

*slam!*

(Face shot of salesman - Wind wooshes the hair of the salesman who blinks)

(Same shot)

*muffled voice heard through the door * “Reginald there’s a creep at the door”

“Again!? I’ll get the gun”

(Salesman realizes, turns away and leaves quickly)

(The salesman turns and walks back down the path, onto the street and turns right)

(He gets a call and answers it listens then …)

(… As he walks past a park he slips, but recovers, and as he is about to continue walking, a soccer ball smashes him in the side of the face and knocks him sideways)

(The salesman gets up looks at the kid and kicks the ball away with full force)

(The salesman walks on to the next house)

“Hi I was wondering if you had a few moments to listen to a short story of mine?”

“Uh, nope.” *SLAM!* (door shut)

(The salesman clears his throat and leaves)

(Cut to him sitting a park bench eating cake)

(sit up straight as if he has an idea - quickly leaves, then comes back to get his lunch and briefcase)

(New Scene)

(The salesman is walking quickly down the street)

(The salesman walks towards the camera - As he enters a gate the camera pans sideways with him - he reaches the front door and rings the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Camera cuts to show the front door)

(And older man opens the door)

“Hello”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - behind the customer)

“Good afternoon to you. I was wondering if I could tell you a short story”

(The camera cuts to behind the salesman looking at the customer)

*Older man pauses - shrugs* “Yea alright”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - camera is behind the customer looking at the salesman)

“There once was a salesman,

who had really smooth skin.

He had a mismatching tie,

and was frankly, a nice guy.

A call from his boss one day,

yelled "with no sales there's no pay."

the call was swiftly ended,

and with much energy expended,

he kicked the kids ball away.

And though smiling and eyeing and trying his best,

everyone treated him like he was a pest.

Each pitch closed with the slam of door

And though annoyed, he never swore.

so during his lunch break

which included a piece of cake

he thought of a new way to sell

he thought of a story to tell

So here this salesman is right now

battered and bruised and hoping to wow.

We have a service thats so devine

Im here to sell you our phoneline.

so what do you say?”

(Cut to shot over the salesman’s shoulder looking at the customer)

“*Pause*

Im not a fan of what you sell

but from your story i can tell

to your boss you're inessential

in kids books you have potential (hands him a business card)

*Pause*

(Nods) Have a think about it.”

*sigh*

“(looks up from card) Yea, ok thanks, I will.” (The salesman puts it in his shirt pocket - he then turns and walks away - door closes and wipes the screen to black)

(Fade in on the salesman walking into the book store to the best sellers section - picks up a book - chuckles puts it back down and the camera zooms into see the book. - we see its his book)

(Fade out to black)

TITLE OF FILM

END CREDITS

Scripts draft 2:

 Brackets = camera shot/action notes.

** = sound notes

(Opens like horror)

(Open on low angle shot of the middle of a street)

(Angled shot of wooden gate, hand reaches out and opens it with a creak)

(Slow motion close-up shot of the feet and briefcase - from behind - walking up the path)

(A hand slowly reaches for the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Angled top left shot of door - Door slowly opens - cautious head peeks around the corner)

(Shot from inside the door looking out - Slowly revealing the salesman who has a MASSIVE beaming smile and doesn’t break eye contact with the customer)

“Hello Im…”

(Same shot - Woman screams and slams door)

*slam!*

(Close up shot of the salesman s face)

(Wind wooshes the hair of the salesman who blinks)

*muffled* “AAH!” *heard through the door*

(The salesman speaks)

“Than… Thank you for … Aagh” *the salesman waves off the ‘no-sale’ and doesn’t bother completing the sentence*

(The salesman turns and walks back down the path, onto the street and turns right)

(Following front full body shot of salesman walking down street - he gets out his phone - keys in a number or speed dials - holds phone to his ear - and waits)

*Feeling dismayed *   “Hello, it’s me again.” *Pause* “N-No I didn’t get the sale… She was just another door-slammer... Yea, I’m off to lunch now. How’s your morning been?” *Nod* *Pause* “What? The bank said no? Oh… we need that money though! *pause* I’m trying my best, it’s just not working. I smile at them. I make eye contact. *sigh* No one lets me speak; they just slam the door on me, or pretend they don’t know English!”

(Camera shot doesn’t change - he slips on a banana peel - recovers without falling - about to continue walking - then, as he walks past a field, a soccer ball *Whacks!* from the left side of screen and knocks him over - his phone falls out of his hand and skids)

(Low angle camera shot - ground level - showing from the salesman’s face to about his knees - slowly zooming out - the salesman is lying sideways on the ground where he fell - the soccer ball is in the gutter)

(Same shot - young child comes to get the ball and runs away - the salesman looks at the boy when he collects the ball - when the kid leaves the screen the salesman looks at the camera and sighs deeply)

(Camera shot - On ground level focused on phone (which is still in the call) - blurred salesman in the background - he gets up and picks up the phone from the ground)

(Camera shot - Side shot - camera is moving with the salesman as he walks)

“Hello, Hello. *pause* Yes I’m still here. *pause* Nah it was that stupid kid again. *pause* Yes, I’m all right. You know he has never once said sorry to me. *pause* Yes.  Yep. Ok. Well tell the kids I say hi. Bye for now. Bye.”

(Same shot - Hang up - then walk off frame)

(New scene)

(Establishing shot of him sitting at table outside with packed lunch)

(Phone vibrates on table - he answers it)

“Hello”

(He is shocked and holds the phone away from his ear)

*we hear muffled* “If you don’t make a single sale by the end of the day don’t come back to work tomorrow” *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* (he hung up)

(The salesman slowly puts the phone back on the table - dismayed because he is sure to lose his job)

(New Scene)

(Walking through town towards the camera - sees something on right of screen - stops to read it - camera moves round his head - the salesman turns his head as if thinking - he walks off screen to reveal a poster which reads “everyone loves a good story”)

(Camera cut to street scene)

(The salesman walks towards the camera - As he enters a gate the camera pans sideways with him - he reaches the front door and rings the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Camera cuts to show the front door)

(And older man opens the door)

“Hello”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - behind the customer)

“Good afternoon to you. I was wondering if I could tell you a short story”

(The camera cuts to behind the salesman looking at the customer)

*Older man pauses - shrugs* “Yea alright”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - camera is behind the customer looking at the salesman)

“Imagine a world rife with strife,

and in that world lives man and wife.

They live each day as it comes,

each day fearing, the marching drums.

Then one day while minding cattle,

he was taken right into battle.

Swept away without farewell,

off to answer his own death knell.

Now imagine five years have elapsed,

all thoughts of hatred have collapsed.

The Second World War has been won.

This was all thanks to the Bren gun.

And what do you know, the Husband survived,

though from home contact, he was deprived.

He'd nothing to do but wander and roam,

Then he saw a shop selling telephones.

So into the store he did wander,

he saw the great deals and did ponder.

he then obtained a foneyphone contract,

and rejoiced when with his wife made contact!

Now I've brought these deals straight to you,

imagine the joy you could feel too.”

(Cut to shot over the salesman’s shoulder looking at the customer)

“*Sigh* Look I’m sorry mate. I don’t need a new phone line. I tell you what though, I reckon you’re in the wrong business. Take this (hands him a business card) *Pause* (Nods) Have a think about it.”

(Camera cuts to inside the customer’s doorway - looking over customers shoulder)

*sigh*

“Yeh, thanks.” (The salesman puts it in his shirt pocket - he then turns and walks away - door closes and wipes the screen to black)

(Fade in from black- camera shot of salesman sitting glumly on park bench - untidy and shirt is untucked - tie flapping in wind - salesman is twiddling his thumbs - camera slowly zooming and panning right)

(Salesman pulls the business card out of shirt pocket and rubs with it his thumbs ‘thinkingly’)

(Fade out to black)

(Fade in on the salesman reading a book to children who are seated around him - camera zooms out to reveal a poster which says “author book reading here today” - shows it is the salesman’s book.)

(Fade out to black)

TITLE OF FILM

END CREDITS

Poem voice record from James: