Week8-Note for Script V3 from team member

Orange is Jia's note for the script v3, James may do some tweak tonight:

Brackets = camera shot/action notes.

** = sound notes

(Opens like horror)

(Open on low angle shot of the middle of a street)

(Angled shot of wooden gate, hand reaches out and opens it with a creak)

(Slow motion close-up shot of the feet and briefcase - from behind - walking up the path)

(Close-up shot of the salesmans forehead - the salesman wipes sweat from his forehead)

(His hand slowly reaches for the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Door slowly opens - cautious head peeks around the corner)

(Shot from inside the door looking out - Slowly revealing the salesman)

(Extreme close-up of the salesmans face - with massive/creepy smile)

(Shot from behind woman)

“Hello Im…”

(Woman screams and slams door)

“AAH!”

*slam!*

(Face shot of salesman - Wind wooshes the hair of the salesman who blinks)

(Same shot)

*muffled voice heard through the door * “Reginald there’s a creep at the door”

“Again!? I’ll get the gun” // The guy is too American, I think the gun is not a normal thing that people will hold in New Zealand, special in Wellington city. For example, Italy people will get a cooking Utensil.

(Salesman realizes, turns away and leaves quickly)

(The salesman turns and walks back down the path, onto the street and turns right)

(He gets a call and answers it listens then …)

(… As he walks past a park he slips, but recovers, and as he is about to continue walking, a soccer ball smashes him in the side of the face and knocks him sideways)

(The salesman gets up looks at the kid and kicks the ball away with full force)

(The salesman walks on to the next house)

“Hi I was wondering if you had a few moments to listen to a short story of mine?” // maybe remove “of mine”, Could we move this part after cake eating?

“Uh, nope.” *SLAM!* (door shut)

(The salesman clears his throat and leaves)

(Cut to him sitting a park bench eating cake) // I prefer he look at the poster about “Every one can tell a story”.  Instead of cake, how about have a cup of coffee instead?

(sit up straight as if he has an idea - quickly leaves, then comes back to get his lunch and briefcase)

(New Scene)

(The salesman is walking quickly down the street)

(The salesman walks towards the camera - As he enters a gate the camera pans sideways with him - he reaches the front door and rings the doorbell)

*ding* *dong*

(Camera cuts to show the front door)

(And older man opens the door)

“Hello”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - behind the customer)

“Good afternoon to you. I was wondering if I could tell you a short story”

(The camera cuts to behind the salesman looking at the customer)

*Older man pauses - shrugs* “Yea alright”

(Camera cuts to inside his doorway - camera is behind the customer looking at the salesman)

(We will need to film few people with different expression of refuse the sale man, use them to cut away when the sale man is telling the poem, them finally is the publisher. Right?)

“There once was a salesman,

who had really smooth skin.  // (Person1 form house gaze the sale man, doubt)

He had a mismatching tie,

and was frankly, a nice guy. // (Person2 form house2, refuse)

A call from his boss one day,

yelled "with no sales there's no pay." // (Person3 form house3, maybe a lady, feel worry but refuse)

the call was swiftly ended,

and with much energy expended, // (Person4 form house4, refuse)

he kicked the kids ball away. // (Person5 form house5, refuse)

And though smiling and eyeing and trying his best, // (Person6 form house6, refuse)

everyone treated him like he was a pest. // (Person7 form house7, refuse)

Each pitch closed with the slam of door// (Person8 form house8, maybe slam door heavily, refuse)

And though annoyed, he never swore.

so during his lunch break

which included a piece of cake  // (Person9 form house9, maybe eating a cake as wel, refuse)

he thought of a new way to sell

he thought of a story to tell  // (Person10 form house10, refuse)

So here this salesman is right now // (Person11 form house11, refuse)

battered and bruised and hoping to wow. // (Person12 form house12, refuse)

We have a service thats so devine

Im here to sell you our phoneline. // (Person13 form house13, some silence, but door still open)

so what do you say?” // Maybe instead of speech out, we close to sale man face, he seems waiting for feedback..

(Cut to shot over the salesman’s shoulder looking at the customer)

“*Pause*

Im not a fan of what you sell

but from your story i can tell

to your boss you're inessential  //Mmmm, no sure we need this sentence

in kids books you have potential (hands him a business card)

*Pause*

(Nods) Have a think about it.”

*sigh*

“(looks up from card) Yea, ok thanks, I will.” (The salesman puts it in his shirt pocket - he then turns and walks away - door closes and wipes the screen to black)

(Fade in on the salesman walking into the book store to the best sellers section - picks up a book - chuckles puts it back down and the camera zooms into see the book. - we see its his book)

(Fade out to black)

TITLE OF FILM

END CREDITS